Taking The Red Pill.
Lessons From An Acid Trip.
Life as an Actor can be tough to say the least. It took me nearly a decade before I could confidently call myself one.
But it was during a recent acid trip where I truly discovered just how insecure I had become about my overall progress as a career performer, how that spilled into my personal life and the steps I’m currently taking to overcome them.
It Began With A Dream
My story, like so many others began with a dream. Specifically, it was a lifelong dream of telling stories at the highest possible level while engaging with the largest possible audience.
Now don’t get me wrong, on paper I am a professional performer with multiple high-profile Film/TV and Theatre credits to my name. I’ve produced and directed several short films, written a few plays and screenplays and even sold one.
I am quite proud of myself to a certain degree. But I’ll tell you why it’s not nearly enough.
Merry Christmas
This past Christmas was quite an interesting one. It’s also where this story gets a bit more interesting.
For a little over a year now, I had been rooming with a friend of mine (who for the purpose of this article, we’ll call ‘Brad’) at his penthouse apartment in Brooklyn, NY.
During the beginning of the pandemic, my then girlfriend and I had broken up and I needed a place to stay. Brad graciously opened his home to me until I could get back up on my feet.
Fast forward one year and lots of progress had been made, I mean some seriously exciting career firsts. Yet, I still felt like I hadn’t done enough as the year was coming to an end and it began to take its toll on my relationships.
Brad had introduced me to LSD around the same time I moved in with him. So for Christmas this year, we both decided to go for a trip.
Down The Rabbit Hole
It was only during that rather intense acid trip, did I truly begin to discover the depths of my insecurity and how it was effecting everyone around me.
I learned first and foremost that my rather large ego had done a fine job of masking these insecurities while simultaneously projecting them onto others.
This bred within me, a false sense of security and complacency regarding my overall outlook on life. I realized all at once just how much I had taken for granted during my year with my friend and how, in some ways I was letting him and others down.
People who had always supported and believed in me. People who had given me all the tools and resources I could have ever asked for in order to work my magic as both an artist and a leader in my community.
Furthermore, I discovered how often I was running away from the problems in my life rather than choose to face them head on with structure and determination.
A Tough Pill To Swallow
Believe me when I say that this hasn’t been easy to come to terms with. It can be difficult to accept that you’ve been lying to yourself and to others even if unconsciously. I emerged from that trip a changed man; mind, body and soul.
I learned that my problems were no bigger or smaller than anyone else’s in this world and that my ego needed shrinking if I was ever going to take the risks I knew I needed to take in order to make the kind of progress I’d always dreamed of.
I also felt humbled in a way that I knew was very necessary for me to experience and boy did it sting.
Then again, here I am. Galvanized once again to redeem myself and to take these critical life lessons into the new year and beyond.
The Greatest Gift
As someone who has more or less always known a high degree of comfort in life growing up, it’s taken me serious discipline to voluntarily push myself outside of that comfort zone.
I haven’t always succeeded.
But I’ve learned to embrace change more fully while realizing how to be kinder to myself in the process. Overall, change takes time and that patience is fundamental for personal and professional growth.
For Christmas this year, I received some fabulous gifts but my favorite above all was a small daisy growing kit from a dear friend. At first I didn’t quite fully understand it’s meaning until I reemerged from my journey into self to see that as long as we stay fully committed to our vision, goals, dreams and/or aspirations in life, we honor ourselves in ways that will always be seen and felt by others.
It takes patience, care and determination to grow a daisy. I now understand that those very principles apply to us as well.
Instructions For Care
Whether mentally, physically or both, it is vital to our self growth and self-improvement that we continue to shift our perspectives in order to see the forest for the trees and to maintain a firm awareness of how our thoughts and actions affect us and others.
Honesty is always the best policy, especially with yourself and always remember to remain open to the parts of you that need improvement.
To anyone who needed to read this, just know that change is inevitable.
Onwards and Upwards friends!
Thanks so much for reading!
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