Raised On Cinema.
How The Films We Watch Come To Define Us.
When I was 13 years old, my father took me to the movies (just the two of us) to watch Peter Weir’s swashbuckling historical drama, ‘Master and Commander: The Far Side Of The World’ (2003).
Now I can recount going to the movies only three times with my dad in life;
The first time was as my chaperone incognito while I went on my very first date in middle school. The film was a B-rate horror called ‘Darkness Falls’ (2003).
The second time was watching Academy Award winner, Russel Crowe become ‘Lucky’ Captain Jack Aubrey’ of her majesty’s Royal Navy in Peter Weir’s period epic, ‘Master and Commander: The Far Side Of The World’.
And the third time was while Watching Martin Scorsese’s ‘The Aviator’ (2003) starring Leonardo DiCaprio as Howard Hughes.
Now don’t get me wrong, we also watched plenty of other great films together at home and with other members of the family. Yet more often than not, by day’s end it would usually end up being just the two us hanging out late into the night watching movies until one or both of us passed out on the sofa.
These moments might seem trivial in the grand scheme of one’s life but years and years later, I find that these very moments as a young adolescent have come to define my relationship with my family and with cinema as a whole .
“Natural Law”
You see, the movies became a way for us to communicate to one another with levity and grace the things neither one of us ever felt prepared to say to each other.
It was a form of expression which, if paying close attention may have even been the intention on some occasion whenever one of us suggested a new title to watch.
As an exampled, I turn to Sam Mendes’ 2002 period crime/thriller, ‘Road To Perdition’ starring Tom Hanks and Paul Newman in what would ultimately become Newman’s very last on-screen performance prior to his death.
I starkly remember it was my father who suggested the film to me while combing through an endless list of cable channels one evening (this was prior to streaming). We both agreed and began the movie.
The film itself is more or less an allegory for the complex relationships between fathers and sons; An allegory best summed up with a line from Newman’s character —
“Natural Law. Sons are put on this earth to trouble their fathers.”
To put into context, as the eldest son, my relationship with my father was certainly strenuous at times.
But none of that mattered in that moment. For after the film was over, we both sat still and quiet. Drifting between thoughts to composer Thomas Newman’s gentle and reflective soundtrack over the end credits.
Those credits played to the very end and by the time they were over, dad and I both stood up, hugged it out and said our goodnight to one another.
Now those who know, know that like most immigrant fathers of the baby boom generation, such show of affection can be rare indeed.
But I knew then as I know now that it was the film itself which spoke on behalf of us both.
Parting Thoughts
I like to think that we both learned a valuable lesson that evening. I learned, much to the film’s point, that the bond between father and son is rooted in self-reflection more often than not.
It would take years for my perspective on my father to mature to such a degree where I could fully understand and appreciate his approach to raising a family.
I was able to recognize from that moment onward how incredibly fortunate I was to not only have a father, who raised us to want for nothing in life. But to have a friend as well and maybe not necessarily the friend you wanted at times but always the friend you needed.
What film(s) do you find help define you and/or your relationships?
Let Me Know in the comments below and as always — Thanks for reading!
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